Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
