if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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