I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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