She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
