who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
How's work?
Spinning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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