Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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