I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
