I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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