I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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