she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have aggressive nipples.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
