i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
