wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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