just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize