I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
