Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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