I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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