After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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