weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
