Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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