Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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