True but thats because hes a fetus.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
