so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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