Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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