i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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