he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
