just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
