Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
