what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
