I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
