i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
