hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
