He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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