I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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