it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
