Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
