No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
