babies were throwing up all over the place
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
