Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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