YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
