Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
