dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's paper in my vomit.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
