my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
