Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
