Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
