oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
