Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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