I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
