Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
