I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
