He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
