After last night, I could never be a politician.
she woke up with a sticky ear
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
