They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
