I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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