do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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