maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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