Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
