I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
