I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
