take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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