Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
