Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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