come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
