I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
