Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
