16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
