Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
