Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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