Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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