so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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