Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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