No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
