he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is wine microwaveable?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
