His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
