is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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