awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
