I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
