dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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