You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
