You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
