Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
